It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
