I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
