R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
