Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
