thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
