i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
