I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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