Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
