It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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