This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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