Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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