Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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