I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I die, sorry about rent.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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