possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
