Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
