I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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