$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
