What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
