CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize