I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
