did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My liver just broke up with me...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
