So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
