When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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