do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
