I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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