it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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