we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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