I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Acid is not a monday night drug
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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