it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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