What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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