my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
