Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
