you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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