You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
