What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
