Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
