it was like eating out sand paper
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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