one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
