Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
