party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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