I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
