is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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