whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
