I'm going to jail i love you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
