i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
