why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
