Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
