Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
