Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
