i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
