I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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