Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize