i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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