how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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