I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
only you would photoshop your dick
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
