Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
