i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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