I only kidnapped one of them. chill
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
