just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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