I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
