Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I checked into jail on foursquare
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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