Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
