Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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