VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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