The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
