just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
