happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
