The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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