i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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