I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
