Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
