i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
