I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
