dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
