I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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