I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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