I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
