sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
