he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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