It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
