Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
