i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
