Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
