Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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