TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
