i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
