We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
