alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
