she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize