My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
