would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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