Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
