He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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