Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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