So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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