I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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