Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize