using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
