I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
