i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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