On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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