there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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