I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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