I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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