shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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