And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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