woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
