Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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