did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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