Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
