omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
