So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
